Recently I have found myself asking if self-help books really work. First let me say, I am a big fan of self-help books. I must be I have so many. I believe that each contains valuable information but is not working for me. It is almost like there is something missing, if I can just bridge that gap then everything will be should be. And I believe I am not alone.
If it worked for everyone then there would be no need for the vast array of books on the subject and the number of programs available online. I am finding it increasingly difficult to read these books even ones I enjoyed and found helpful before.
Over the last number of years I have bought and read tonnes of self-help books, in the hope that this one will supply that missing piece. You name the book, I’ve probably got it. It is an addiction, albeit a somewhat healthy one. But even healthy obsessions can be bad if taken to extremes.
Despite all the books I have read I have never figured out what my passions and my true goals in life were. I have struggled to write lists of personal goals that never quite seemed to fit. They look like someone else’s goals or the goals I should want, which is why I have failed to achieve them. I am not saying this is the books fault, because it is not. I firmly believe that this stuff works if applied correctly.
But the time has now come for me to put them away and move on.
The very fact of owning these books is putting me under pressure to be someone I am not right now and may never be. It is as if they are taunting me for not being who they say I can and should be. If I can do it then so can you... they tell you. And that is true, but everyone’s journey is different and what is right for one person is not right for all. Everyone has their time to shine but you cannot force it. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy but it feels right, if it is hard and every day is a struggle then something is wrong and needs to change.
The self-help industry is for people who feel they are somehow broken and can be fixed by a few well chosen words. We choose books because books cannot hurt you, even if they make you a little uncomfortable or think about things for a little while. They are impersonal even though the author is talking directly to you. They can chastise and cajole you but they cannot make you take action, inspired or otherwise. Let’s be honest, most of the information in these books is very similar. Just follow these (pick a number) simple steps and you will have the life you desire. And that, I believe, is part of the problem. We are constantly striving for something we don’t have while failing to appreciate what we do have.
We each instinctively know what is right for us at a given point in time. If the advice in these books does not sit well or the whole process is a struggle and causing you stress then you need to listen and back off. You cannot force yourself to be someone you are not or do something that goes against your personal values. Putting these books away right now instinctively feels like the right thing to do.
I am currently in the process of gathering up my collection of self-help books that are scattered throughout my house. I am not going to get rid of them. The information in them is just too valuable to give away.
I firmly believe that the knowledge I have gained from these books will never be wasted. My books will be boxed and stored safely until the time comes. I have learned a lot from them but in the meantime I am going to relax and appreciate what I do have rather than stressing about what I don’t. I am going to listen to my intuition rather than someone else.
